12 weeks and 2 days

This is the last pre-announcement blog. Come back tomorrow for my 16 week update, which I hope to do weekly from then until Baby is here (you gotta hold me accountable to that one).

07.08.2012

It is so, so, so close to not being a secret! I am so excited for all our friends and family to know and to celebrate with us.

My scan is tomorrow. I have actually been counting down the sleeps. I am feeling both anxious and excited. I’m really, really looking forward to it all being over and, hopefully, everything being good.

I had been feeling heaps better for a few weeks, but then started to feel really sick again. Yesterday, I literally couldn’t take more then a few steps out of the bathroom before running back in to throw up again. I’m feeling a bit better today, just extremely tired.

This past 8 weeks, waiting for the first trimester to be over, has been the longest 8 weeks of my life. It’s also gone unbelievably fast. It’s so funny to think that 2 months ago, I had no idea that I was going to be having a baby. Now my pregnancy just feels so much a part of me, that I don’t really remember what it felt like to not be pregnant. It’s incredible how your life can change forever in just one day.

11 weeks and 2 days

30.07.2012

You don’t really think about motherhood concretely until you are pregnant. You think about it abstractly, but it’s possible to grasp the concept completely until it really is happening to you.

I always knew I would be a mother. I was always that person who devoured the words of every mother I met. I wanted to know their opinion on everything to do with parenting. I loved children, too, but it was motherhood as an identity that I was most drawn to. I was excited and intrigued about it.

It’s funny to think that now I am a mother. Even if I do miscarry, I will never be the same again.

11 weeks and 1 day

29.07.2012

I woke up in the middle of the night with my stomach in knots.

It hit me, I am 11 weeks pregnant. Only two more weeks until I’m out of that scary first trimester. I really am probably going to have a baby in February.

I’m nervous about being a parent. I don’t feel ready for it yet. I’ve always known abstractly how I will raise my children. I’ve known what I want our family values to be, what the rules will be around dating, what schools they’ll go to depending on where we live. But when it comes down to actually giving birth, and then having a real life newborn baby, that’s a whole different thing. Suddenly it’s not abstract anymore. This is really happening.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m really excited. I’m just also really nervous. Up until now, my biggest concern is about the baby staying alive. Now it’s starting to hit me that the baby probably will stay alive, and will be here before I know it.

In other news, I’m feeling better. I still feel sick at least once a day, but it’s a huge improvement from feeling sick all day every day, and throwing up at least once a day. I am so, so happy about this, because I didn’t think I could take much more of it.

My 12 week scan is in about 10 days. I am so excited. I’m a lot less nervous then the last one, because I’ve had one be fine. I’m a little bit worried that I’ve had a missed miscarriage, but I just keep reminding myself that they are rare, and that I’m still having pregnancy symptoms (if a little diminished). I’m looking forward to being able to relax.

9 weeks and 5 days

I started to feel better this week. I hadn’t thrown up for about four days. It had me crazy worried, but then I Googled it and found that it’s quite normal for morning sickness to settle down around now. I spoke to my doctor about it, and he said the same thing. So I felt less worried . Then I got home and threw up.

I’ve been extremely emotional. Monday was particularly bad. I couldn’t stop crying for most of the day, and then had to teach all evening. My husband was doing a night shift, so I sent him a text asking him to call me if he was awake, which he did. I pretty much just cried into the phone. He has been so wonderful. He works so hard, and is trying to get his study finished so he can be an EMT, and now he’s having to do most of the housework too. He’s been so patient about it, and he very rarely complains. I’m going to start crying again thinking about it, haha.

We’ve been talking a lot about how we’ll raise this child, particularly about what we’ll do in the first year. We’ve decided whether or not we’ll leave Baby to cry, whether or not he or she will sleep in our room (and in our bed for that matter), whether or not I’ll go back to work (and how much).

It’s so funny to be pregnant and have no one know. Pretty much at all times, I am thinking about something to do with my baby, or pregnancy, or parenting, and no one knows.

7 weeks and 1 day

01.07.12

He’s excited.

We’re going out for lunch tomorrow to celebrate a friend’s birthday. I said to him “At my next birthday, I’m going to be a heavily pregnant heffalump, and at your next birthday, you’re going to be a dad.”

He said, “A Daddy”

I couldn’t see him because he was lying under the trailer he was working on, but I could hear the smile in his voice.

He’s excited.

5 weeks and 3 days

20.06.2012

It’s hard to believe that just over a week ago, I didn’t know I was pregnant. Now, there’s no way I could mistake it.

I’m so terrified that something is going to go wrong. Every pregnancy symptom, from exhaustion to that “I feel like I’m going to throw up, but it just won’t come” feeling, are welcome, no matter how bad they are. They remind me that I actually am pregnant.

It still doesn’t feel real that I’m actually going to have a baby in February of next year. It is the most abstract idea that I’ve ever experienced. I can’t even begin to imagine it.

5 weeks

16/06/2012

Four days ago, I found out that I am pregnant with our first child. This blog post won’t go up until we’ve announced it, but I still wanted to chronicle my pregnancy from the very beginning.

My period was due on the 8th, but it hadn’t arrived yet. I had a suspicion I might be pregnant, but Angus wanted to wait a week before I did a test, because he didn’t want me to be disappointed if it was negative. I basically just felt like I had my period, but I didn’t. Then, on the 9th, I got really, really bad cramps. I just felt like something was up, and I needed to talk to my doctor about my hip anyway (woohoo, dance teacher injuries), so I made an appointment.

I told him about how my period hadn’t arrived, and how I felt like I had my period but didn’t, and about the cramps on Saturday night. He suggested doing a pregnancy test, so I did one, and it was just sitting on the desk while he was filling out my prescriptions (they have ones they don’t have the yucky urine tab), and I kept glancing at it but didn’t really know what I was looking for. Then he looked at it, and said “Congratulations, that pink line means you’re pregnant” and I didn’t really know what to say. I was extremely happy but mostly just really shocked. My doctor had a chuckle and said “You really didn’t expect that?” He told me that I’d need to come back next week for another appointment, and that there were blood tests that I’d need to have done, which he suggested I do then so the results are back for next week. He also prescribed me some iodine supplements and folic acid.

By the time I got to the blood testing place, I had settled pretty deeply into being shocked. I remember thinking “I don’t really know what to do.” Not that I didn’t know what to do about the baby, I just didn’t know how I was meant to react to it. The lady who took my blood was really nice, and she seemed really excited to take blood for something nice.

I had a few errands to run after my appointment, but I ended up just driving home. I still haven’t returned my library books. I looked for Angus at his work for ages before realising he’d gone home for lunch. He was sitting in the office looking at work boots, because he was going to buy a new pair (he’s got them now). I hand the pregnancy test in my hand, in a plastic bag, and went in and sat on his knee. He asked what the doctor said, and I just handed him the pregnancy test. He said “What does that mean?” and I said “It means we’re having a baby.” He hugged me, and I started crying. He said “Are you getting emotional?” and I just nodded my head and laughed a bit. Then we started talking a bit about what boots he would buy.

We’ve talked about it quite a bit since then. We just needed time to let it sink in. We both agree that we weren’t expecting it to happen so soon. We thought we’d have to try.

Hopefully, my baby is now all settled in. He or she has seperated into two seperate cells – the baby and the placenta. He or she is still only very tiny – not much bigger then a full stop. The plate that will become the heart has developed, and the brain, spinal cord, muscles and bone formation are beginning to develop. His or her skeleton is starting to form as well.

I find myself spending almost every second worrying that I’ll miscarry. I’m still getting cramps, and apparently these are normal, but they worry me. Part of me just wants to glimpse into the future and check that Baby has arrived safe, healthy and alive in February.

What is it like being pregnant? Tiring. I don’t understand women who didn’t realise they were pregnant until 7 or 8 weeks. I wish I was one of them (it would have cut out 3 or 4 weeks of worrying as well). I am exhausted a minimum of all the time. I also feel generally yucky. Not so much nausea, but more just a general yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Apparently, pretty much all my baby needs me to do at the moment is send down a whole lot of blood. My body will start to create more blood then usual, but it hasn’t caught up yet. With that in mind, my blood sugar is really low, and I am very, very cold. These are two things I did not associate with early pregnancy. You hear a lot about morning sickness and sore breasts, but not very many women mention being cold and dizzy.

Actually, there is one other thing no one had mentioned to me, so let me be the one to tell you: You might get cramps that feel like period pain. These are caused by your uterus accomodating the baby and getting all ready for it.

I am getting used to the idea that I am having a baby in February of next year. It still doesn’t feel real, which might be why I’m so worried about miscarrying.

First comes love, then comes marriage…

…now Baby is coming :)

I am so thrilled to finally be able to tell you why I’ve been so unactive the last few months. It’s not because I’ve forgotten about my blog, or because I’ve been too busy. It’s because all I’ve been able to think about is the fact that I am pregnant.

I’m almost 14 weeks pregnant, so finally coming out of the first trimester. I’ve been feeling sick all day every day since about week 6, but now I’m starting to feel a little better, which is kind of like walking into the sun after being in a dark room.

We are so very, very excited.

Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift?
      the fruit of the womb His generous legacy?
   Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows
      are the children of a vigorous youth.
   Oh, how blessed are you parents,
      with your quivers full of children!
Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you;
      you’ll sweep them right off your doorstep.
Psalm 127:3-5 (MSG)