Thank you, 2013, for the way you have changed me

When 2013 started, I was a young wife, pregnant with my first child. I had a fairly good idea of who I was, and of what made me me. I was a dance teacher, I loved reading and writing, I worked with children. My days were filled with doing whatever I wanted to do. My life was more or less about me, and those I loved. While I considered the influence I might have, I didn’t really spend too much time doing anything about it.

newyearseve2

New Years Eve 2012

As 2013 draws to a close, I sit here a completely different person. I am a mum now, and most of my identity revolves around that. My daughter is my life, and my days are spent caring for her. I still teach dancing, and still have things I love to do, but my time is not my own anymore. 2013 has changed me.

Thanks to 2013, I am less selfish. 

It’s hard to be selfish when you have a new born bundle of needs relying on you for everything. This year, I have had no choice but to be completely selfless. There have been times where I’ve wanted to be selfish, but then I’ve remembered that she doesn’t know how much energy and resources she uses up, she doesn’t know I could choose not to meet her needs, she just expects them to be met because I am her mummy. I choose to meet her needs, because I want her to know that the world is reliable, that she can trust people, and that she can be secure. Now I want to do the same for others, because everyone deserves to feel secure in their environment.

Thanks to 2013, I am less lazy.

When 2013 started, I was pretty lazy. I liked to rest more than I liked to work. But during 2013, once my baby was born, I have had to work and do things for most of the time. I have no choice but to feed her, change her, play with her, keep the house tidy and safe for her. This has made me really appreciate the times I do get to rest. I no longer view the things I have to do as chores, but simply as part of life.

Thanks to 2013, I have purpose.

I used to have no most important thing. I felt like I was on the outside of everything. But for my baby, the world revolves around me. I am the person she relies on to care for her. Especially when she was a newborn, with out me she would die. In 2013, I found my calling. Motherhood is what I was made for. But as well as that, I have discovered so many interests in myself that never existed before my baby was born. In particular, I have found myself fascinated with breastfeeding, and with attachment parenting. I’m training to be a Le Leche League leader, all the books I read are about attachment parenting and breastfeeding, and I even started a whole new blog dedicated to it. Becoming a parent has opened up a whole new side of myself.

Thank you, 2013, for the ways you have changed me. I will always look back on this year as the one that made me into who I was always meant to be.

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