Right now, I am wallowing.
The dance studio I teach for just finished their show, and it was amazing. My mum and step dad came and looked after Madelyn so that I could focus on helping backstage, and the kids all did so well. It was such an awesome weekend.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been nervous before a show. Instead, I find myself feeling really down once the show finishes. It happens the second the curtains close. As they go down, sadness wells up inside of me. And a certain amount of hopelessness too.
I didn’t do enough. I should have done that differently. I looked stupid.
It is a sort of calm after the storm. The way you go from exhilarated to dizzy when the roller coaster stops. I can’t talk myself out of it, only wait for it to pass.
Tomorrow, I will feel differently. I will be buzzing, excited that the show went so well, just as others feel immediately after the show finishes. But for now, I am wallowing.