I woke up in the middle of the night with my stomach in knots.
It hit me, I am 11 weeks pregnant. Only two more weeks until I’m out of that scary first trimester. I really am probably going to have a baby in February.
I’m nervous about being a parent. I don’t feel ready for it yet. I’ve always known abstractly how I will raise my children. I’ve known what I want our family values to be, what the rules will be around dating, what schools they’ll go to depending on where we live. But when it comes down to actually giving birth, and then having a real life newborn baby, that’s a whole different thing. Suddenly it’s not abstract anymore. This is really happening.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m really excited. I’m just also really nervous. Up until now, my biggest concern is about the baby staying alive. Now it’s starting to hit me that the baby probably will stay alive, and will be here before I know it.
In other news, I’m feeling better. I still feel sick at least once a day, but it’s a huge improvement from feeling sick all day every day, and throwing up at least once a day. I am so, so happy about this, because I didn’t think I could take much more of it.
My 12 week scan is in about 10 days. I am so excited. I’m a lot less nervous then the last one, because I’ve had one be fine. I’m a little bit worried that I’ve had a missed miscarriage, but I just keep reminding myself that they are rare, and that I’m still having pregnancy symptoms (if a little diminished). I’m looking forward to being able to relax.