The one where I analyse life as it is and as it will be

My husband and I aren’t really your typical Christian couple. I can choose my words wisely to make it sound like we are. But we aren’t, really. We don’t fit into the prototype.

When I was a teenager, I had this picture in my head of what I would be like as a young married adult. I imagined that my husband and I would be involved in my church’s youth group, and that we’d be inspiring and welcoming. I imagined that we’d be musical, and lead a small group. I imagined that we’d be the couple that people came to for prayer. I imagined that we’d have fairly set careers. I imagined that we’d talk about fostering children once our own had grown up. I imagined that we’d be older (I thought I’d get married in my mid-20s, not when I was 21). I imagined that I would blossom into this confident, stunning young woman, and that we would live in the city.

But we are 23 together this month (my birthday is on the 31st January, his is the 1st of March). While we’re heading towards being fairly set in our careers, at the moment we’re a crazy mesh of figuring it out. We aren’t musical and our church is too new to have really developed a solid youth group. We’ve discussed with friends starting up a young marrieds small group, but haven’t gotten around to it. I’m still painfully shy and a little awkward. My husband is the quintessential Kiwi bloke. We aren’t going anywhere near the city. I dont like to pray infront of other people, so while I do pray for them, they hardly ever know about it. We foster children now, and don’t have any of our own yet.

My husband is sitting on the couch as I type this, and he’s asked several times what I’m writing about. I keep replying that I don’t know, and that’s the truth. It will be a wonderful adventure to see where I’m going with this.

My life isn’t turning out the way Young Courtney thought it would. It’s wonderful and rich, but I just don’t have it as together as I would have thought.

It makes me wonder how it will go from here. When I think of us in 10 years time, I imagine people saying “He’s a paramedic, and she’s a children’s counsellor, and they have four foster children as well as their own three!” Doesn’t that sound impressive? I imagine that we’ll run a ministry for families that includes father and son camps and mother and daughter retreats. I imagine that our children will be wonderfully talented. I imagine that I’ll be a condident, stunning woman of God. I imagine that we’ll be inspiring. I still imagine that we’ll be the couple people come to for prayer.

So  far, my life has more or less followed the path I expected it to take. I’m curious to see where God will take me from here.

I get worried that I’m running out of time. I would like to have children soon, but I’m aware when we do, this full speed ahead thing we’ve been on will come to a halt, and that scares me. I have all these things I want to do by the time I’m 30, it’s almost as if I think that my life will stop at 30 and I’ll just start to exist instead of living. My head knows this is not the case, and my hope is that my heart realises this before it’s too late.


2 thoughts on “The one where I analyse life as it is and as it will be

  1. Just so you know, if you were to ask me how old I am I would tell you honestly that I’m 34. I’ve earned every single one of those years. But if you were to ask me how old I *feel* I’d have to say about 23. Your age.

    So let me just say… stay in the center of His will for your life, typical Christian path or or not, whether it follows the path that you expect or not, and when you get to 30 things will just start to get interesting! Lots of things get better at 30 and there’s a peace at 30 that I didn’t have at 20. Not that I felt a certain lack of peace then, but I imagine it just the stuff that you can only earn by living life. So, as you look forward into your future, enjoy the dreams you’re creating and seriously, surf the wave that is the real life.

    Thanks for stopping by today.

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