I cannot travel both

“Luxury is not a necessity to me, but beautiful and good things are.”
– Anais Nin

It’s becoming increasingly more obvious to me that the Christian life was never meant to be lived out comfortably. Complacency is the killer of the life God has intended us to life. Jesus declared that He came to give us life, life that we would have abundantly. That doesn’t sound much like taking a ride in the back seat.

When I imagine my abundant life, I think of just daily loving people. I’m still trying to figure out what that looks like for me.

2012 is meant to contain something huge for Angus and I. I don’t know if it’s something I know, or if it’s a deep desire of my heart, but it’s there. I can see so clearly in my mind the woman God has intended me to be, and it feels like 2012 is meant to be the bridge that will get me there. I want 2012 to be the year that I my gentleness, my nurturing, my empathy are grown and expanded and stretched to the limit. And I can see that God intends to take Angus so much further in his strength and his leadership. I can see that his provision for me will reach so much further then just physical and financial. I can see that he’ll provide for me (and our children, when the time comes) spiritually and emotionally – if he lets God take him there. And I feel so much like 2012 is meant to be the year that he learns about spiritual provision. I just get such a strong feeling in my heart that we are meant to be pulled away from all of our scaffolding and learn to stand totally relying on God, right in the beginning of our marriage. So that all we do as a couple is done with this foundation of God being all that we need.

I don’t know why 2012, and not 2011 (or 2013, for that matter). But I guess my being so drawn to this specific year just gives me more proof that this is on my heart for a reason. When I first started working in the ministry that I’m currently at, I said I’d commit to three years, and then see. The summer of 2011/2012 will be three years. Just a thing? I don’t think so.

In other news, today marks 4 months since my fiance proposed to me, and in 4 months and 3 days, we’ll be married. Last night, we made pizzas and then ate them as we watched TV. I love him.

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

– The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost


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