“Alas, tis sacred jelousy,
Love raised to an extreme:
The only proof twixt her and me,
We love, and do not dream”
The Mistress – John Wilmot
Today is one of those days where peace radiates in the air. The sky is white, and even though you may see wind, you can’t feel it. These days always remind me of my teenage self waiting for the school bus in my little tartan skirt and my itchy woollen jumper. Those days where everything was a problem, and the only people I could imagine in my life were the ones who were there at that moment.
Oh, 17. If only you had known that less then a year later your life would be irrevocably changed by a beautiful young man living worlds away from you.
Today, I am wondering if I will ever regret marrying at 21 and spending the rest of my life with my strong, tender warrior. Do I wish for the uncertainty of 17? Would I swap my one man for boyfriends? At 17, I woke up with fresh unkowing. Now, I fall asleep with the sweet security of knowing that I am treasured and provided for. Nothing could compare.
Tonight, we are having fish and chips for dinner. I will probably order an American hot dog without onions, and he will probably have a bite. If they forget not to add onions, he’ll eat it for me and let me have extra chips. I know him, and he knows me. He is my lover, my friend, my heart. We have fallen into an easy comfortability with each other. We have mapped out the details of our everyday lives, and now we fit. In December, we will explore the terrain of our bodies and our souls, and when we are one, we will start to map out the details of our very being.
He is who I was waiting for, on those peaceful white mornings. Oh, 17. If only you knew.